Monday, March 31, 2014

You're Gonna Miss This

Tonight was my last dance class before Kamdyn.  The first in a long list of "lasts" - last night was our last Sunday night in our house alone... soon we will be counting the last time we go to the grocery store without either having to find someone to watch our daughter or bringing her with us, or the last time we eat dinner just the two of us without having to find a babysitter, etc.

I have dreamt about this for my entire life.  I have never worked harder to earn any job as I have to earn the job of MOM.  I have never in my life felt more certain that I want something as I am that I want this miracle baby.  And yet, a little tiny piece of me is a little bit sad because nothing will ever be the same.  I hesitate to even type that because I can just hear all of your groans or see your eye rolls - all of you who have read with me as I've gone month after month without getting pregnant, as we mourned that I wouldn't carry my own child, as we've patiently waited for this angel baby to arrive, and mostly all of you who are in the deep, dark valleys of infertility - I hesitate to say anything aside from THANK YOU and how grateful I am to be where I am - and while I am overwhelmed with gratitude and joy for this gift I'm being given - I also feel like I need to share this other little feeling that creeps into my heart as her birthday approaches.

Monday's have traditionally been a night I am extremely busy and frankly don't always look forward to.  I go from teaching, to coaching my high school team, then a quick dinner, and straight to the studio to teach dance until's a long day.  And when I get home, I plop on the couch and watch mindless TV while surfing the internet or doing other tasks that require zero energy or thought.  As I was driving home, I was thinking about how in a couple of weeks I will be responsible for another human being.  Coming home and laying on the couch with Kevin watching TV and reading on our iPads will get a little more complicated.  And it made me a little bit sad.  Not because I don't want with every fiber of my being to be a mom.  Not because I don't love Kamdyn already with every bone in my body.  But because I have loved this phase of my life.  I love coming home and making dinner for just Kevin & I.  I love that he and I can run to the store at 9:00 PM just because we feel like it.  I love that we can go to sleep at 8:30 when we want to.  I love that we can sit and talk for hours on our couch about nothing or everything.  I have loved every day of the life we have built...and while that is not ending - it is changing in ways that I can't even imagine yet.

And while I was thinking of all of this on my way home, the song "You're Gonna Miss This" by Trace Adkins came on the radio.  Tears welled up in my eyes.  That song has always been kind of catchy and I've always liked it and sung along with it - but I got it.

She was staring out that window, of that SUV
Complaining, saying I can't wait to turn 18
She said I'll make my own money, and I'll make my own rules
Mamma put the car in park out there in front of the school
Then she kissed her head and said I was just like you

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These Are Some Good Times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now 
But you're gonna miss this

Before she knows it she's a brand new bride
In a one-bedroom apartment, and her daddy stops by
He tells her It's a nice place
She says It'll do for now
Starts talking about babies and buying a house
Daddy shakes his head and says Baby, just slow down

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These Are Some Good Times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now 
But you're gonna miss this

Five years later there's a plumber workin' on the water heater
Dog's barkin', phone's ringin'
One kid's cryin', one kid's screamin'
She keeps apologizin'
He says They don't bother me. 
I've got 2 babies of my own. 
One's 36, one's 23.
Huh, it's hard to believe, but ...

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These Are Some Good Times
So take a good look around 
You may not know it now 
But you're gonna miss this
You're gonna miss this
Yeah, you're gonna miss this

Today, as tears streamed down my face, I got it.  When people always used to tell me not to wish away the time before I had kids and I would get so pissed off - I got it now.  When my dad used to tell me not to grow up before I had to - I got it now.  When parents of teenagers tell me to enjoy every single sleepless night with my tiny infant - I got it.  I get it.  

So I pledge to continue to remind myself that one day, I will look back and miss whatever phase I'm currently in.  I pledge to work hard to not wish away a solitary moment.  And I pledge to try to enjoy every single good, bad, ugly, awesome, terrifying, incredible part of this wild ride I'm about to begin.

That was what I like to call a "Heart Dump" - all of that was on my heart tonight and I'm glad I got it out.  Perhaps some of you might be able to tell me I haven't completely lost my mind?!  Because I'm currently feeling like I need some affirmation!  Or medication?!  :)

That's all -

Goodnight, friends!

Thursday, March 27, 2014

36 Weeks

I cannot believe we didn't think of this until now!  Every Wednesday I get a new bump picture and today Julie said "Happy BUMPday" and we both cracked up.  

Here's the 36 Week BUMPdate: 3/26/14 -

and the side-by-side:

This week Kamdyn is packing on the weight - at the rate of about 1 ounce per day!!  She now weighs almost 6 lbs and is more than 18.5 inches long.  She's about the size of a head of romaine lettuce.

She is shedding her "fuzz" in preparation for birth and aside from her skull, the rest of her skeleton has hardened and it ready for her grand debut.  Her muscle tone improves each day and she is more and more ready to live outside her kangaroo's pouch each day!!

At this point, we have less than 3 weeks until she arrives.  Actually 18 days, but who's counting?!  Those of you who are following me on Instagram or Facebook know that we put the final touches on her room this last week - the one word that has gotten us to this point in this journey.  I love it so much!

2 more BUMPdates until go time!

Lots of Love -

Thursday, March 20, 2014

35 Weeks

Here is the 35 {gasp} Week BUMPdate: 3/19/14

and the side-by-side:

That looks lots bigger and lots lower if you ask me.  Like L-O-T-S.  Poor Kanga.  :(  Just for kicks, I asked her if she would send me a front view.  It's so strange because I only see her from this one side all the time, so I was just curious.

She is one of those people who even at their most uncomfortable stages of pregnancy is still so adorable.  I just love it!

Kamdyn is tipping the scales at 5 1/4 lbs and over 18 inches long - or about the size of a honeydew melon this week.

She is running out of room in there - just so squished!  Because she doesn't have much room, she isn't likely to be doing complete flips anymore, which is just fine with us because as of her last appointment, she was head down!  ((huge sigh of relief!))  Her kidneys are fully developed now and her liver is able to process some waste product.  Her basic physical development is mostly complete as of now and she will spend the next 4 weeks putting on weight.

And as a special little treat today - we got some ultrasound pictures of little miss this week.

A little kiss for all my people.  :)
Her toes.
And a scrunched up profile.  She's running out of room fast!  But she's so adorable!!
We're on spring break here in Iowa - so I'm enjoying my time relaxing, catching up on some things around home, eating lunch at a leisurely pace, and doing some final preparations for this little diva to come home with us.  25 days to go.  CRAZINESS.

Lots of Love -

Thursday, March 13, 2014

34 Weeks

Here is the BUMPdate for this week - 3/12/14:

And the side-by-side from last week:

Only 5 Weeks until she's here?!  Actually less now...!  That is so insane!  :)

This week Kamdyn is now about 4 3/4 pounds and almost 18 inches long.  She's about the size of a cantaloupe these days.

Her fat layers are filling out, which will allow her to better regulate her temperature when she's born.  Her central nervous system and lungs continue to mature and develop each day.

As each day ticks by, I get more and more excited for her to get here!  Today is my last day of school before spring break!  I'm anxious to spend the next week putting the final touches on getting ready for this little bean to come home.  Some laundry, sorting clothes, packing her bag for the hospital, and plenty of sleeping!

We only have 4 more BUMPdates until you all get to "meet" her!!  The countdown is on!

Friday, March 7, 2014

Finally Friday

I feel like I've once again fallen off the blog bandwagon.  I'm pretty proud of myself that I haven't missed or been late for a BUMPdate in 33 weeks.  That's good stuff.

Know what else is good stuff?  That is finally Friday.  And that next Friday I'll officially be on Spring Break.  Hallelujah!  Spring Break is a huge benchmark every year - kind of the signal that the end of the year is coming...but especially this year.  I have 4 (FOUR?!) Monday's left to work this school year.  That is completely insane to me.  Also, once Spring Break comes, that signals the end of the L-O-N-G nine weeks since I've seen Julie and Kamdyn.  It was possibly the most difficult part of February for me.  I got spoiled in January when I spent a whole weekend with her, being able to see her face-to-face, feel her belly, chat with her whenever I wanted, hear her awesome honking laugh, snuggle her kiddos, get bear hugs from Dan - just be close to her.  On the day they left, I lost my mind.  I was sobbing in their hotel room.  I couldn't even talk to her belly because I couldn't get myself together.  It was awful.  But with each passing day, I realized that this is going to be the last long period of time I will have to be away from Kamdyn for a very long time - hopefully until she's an adult.  That thought made things a little more bearable.  The last weekend of Spring Break I will get to see Julie & crew and every weekend after that until delivery too.  Three more weeks.  I can do this.

This weekend is going to be a great chance for me to get caught up and do some much needed relaxing.  I'm pretty excited for that.  :)

I hope you have a wonderful weekend, friends!

Thursday, March 6, 2014

33 Weeks

Here is the 33 Week BUMPdate - 3/5/14:

Poor Kanga - her whole family is sick and she's not feeling well either...she is so sweet! She actually apologized that this is a different background! :)
And the side-by-side from last week:

I have lots of new friends from Kelly's Korner that I linked up with last week on Infertility - so to all of you, WELCOME!   Thanks for taking time to care about our little family.  I am so happy you're here!  :)

On to the BUMPdate, she's passed the 17 inch mark and is now about 4 lbs - about the size of a pineapple!

She's very quickly losing the skinny, alien look as she fattens up and fills out.  Her skeleton is hardening (except for her skull of course) and she gets a little more ready to live outside of her Kanga each day.

We are less than 6 weeks from meeting this little miracle and to be honest, some days are really hard. I just find myself longing to hold her in my arms and I miss her every single day.  Most mommies get to feel their little bean moving and feel connected to them daily - mine is hundreds of miles from me and there have been times recently that I've felt sad about that.  The good news is that In about 3 weeks, Julie and I will get to see each other once per week until delivery thanks to some well-planned out trips on both of our parts.  :)

I think that's it for today, friends!