Finally Friday

<-------- is that not the coolest picture?! Ok, maybe not the coolest.  But really, it's pretty darn awesome.  And I did it completely on purpose.  I could do it again tomorrow if I wanted.  Or something like that.  :)

So, I'm popping in on the blog today to try to regain a bit of normalcy to my life...and this blog.  It has sort of become Baby Central - and while that is very exciting and has brought lots of readers to this blog - I think 365 posts on nothing but infertility, surrogacy, or babies *might* send us all to the crazy basement.  "Finally Friday" it is.  A little brain dump.  It's good stuff people.

• So happy work friends are getting together this morning.  While I ADORE summer vacation - I miss my work family like crazy.  We spend everyday together keeping each other sane and over the summer we never see each other.  I'm not complaining about summer break though, just to be clear.  I'll just go to Panera to meet them - no need to rush summer to be over.  
• Today it was finalized that Julie, Dan and their family are going to be staying with us for a few days over the 4th while they are in town visiting family - SO excited!
• Mother Nature is not my friend this week.  Every day that I purposely scheduled nothing it has been cloudy, raining, or tornado-ing.  The days I've been busy - nothing but sun.  I'm not sure if she is finding this trick to be funny, but I'd like for her to get her act together.  Now.
• I'm spending all.day. Saturday scrapbooking with friends.  I can't really describe how exciting this is.  Cutting paper, gluing, using my Cricut to cut letters, matting pictures - we know how to par-tay I tell ya.
• I'm having a love/hate relationship with the fact that next week is the 4th of July.  I love the 4th.  I love what it stands for and I love the traditions my family has made of parading, swimming, eating, laughing, and firework-ing.  But the 4th of July also marks 1/2 way thru summer.  I'm not really ready for that.  Not even a little.
• Kevin & Kaitlyn had a ball at the pool tonight after dinner.  I enjoyed annoying them snapping some pictures to preserve memories.

My 2 favorite people in this world.

Look at those eyes.  She is 12 going on 22.  

this *may or may not* have taken me 987 tries to get.  Well worth it, I'd say.  :)

Everyone LOVES the water slide.  The outtakes of this photo shoot are HIGHlarious.

My Heart

That's it for "Finally Friday".  Random much?

Have a great weekend!

1st Appointment Update

I intended to have this up earlier today - but things just didn't really go my way about that!  So, apologies for those of you anxious for an update.

As I mentioned, we spent yesterday driving to the St. Louis area to our first appointment with our fertility specialist.  Yes, I was very excited to meet with the doctor - but even more excited because it meant that Julie, Dan, Kevin & I would have a bit of time together - in person!  :)

The drive from home wasn't too bad actually - only about 4 1/2 hours and pretty easy!  My husband joked that even I could do it myself - which is saying a lot really because I am irrationally terrified slightly nervous about traveling long distances on the interstate by myself.

We got to St. Louis about an hour early, so we stopped at the Arch and looked around to pass the time because let's face it, who wants to sit in a doctor's office any longer than necessary?!

After passing the time by the river, we got in the car to head to the doctor's office.  I immediately began getting butterflies.  I hadn't been nervous all day, but all of a sudden I was terrified.  What if Julie didn't like us?  What if the doctor changed his mind?  What if it didn't feel right?  *looking back on it today, I have no idea what I was so scared about - but in that moment, the weight of this ONE appointment was not lost on me.  

When we pulled in the parking lot, I spotted Julie immediately.  We hugged and I had a small emotional breakdown on her.  It felt so amazing to finally have this angel in my arms - this woman whom I barely know yet feel like I've known my entire life.  Again, the weight of the moment was just more than I was prepared for I think. 

As we walked in, things got a little shaky - they didn't have our paperwork, the doctor was at the hospital and running late, the office was small, smelly and had zero air movement - it was just not a storybook few hours of our lives - but it was a necessary step to our desired outcome.  :)  The doctor finally arrived and saw Kevin & I first, and then Julie.  We went thru his requirements and our questions and everything is going to move forward at this point.  Julie has a few physical tests she will have to endure in the next few weeks and if she passes all of those, we will be moving forward with this clinic!  

I know it seems a bit anti-climactic...but that's really all I know at this point.  We are *hoping* to have a pregnancy or baby within the next year.  That's kind of where we're going to leave the specifics because that's really all we know.  {{One year.}}  It's just unbelievable to be honest.  

After the appointment came my most favorite part of the entire day.  Dinner with Julie, Dan and their beautiful children!  We were finally able to all be in the same room at the same time!  It felt like we had known each other for years, guys.  I'm not kidding.  Conversation flowed freely.  Laughs were abundant.  Tears flowed.  It was blissful.  

Two adorable things that happened during dinner {there were so many - I'm just picking these two for this post because you all have got to be just about bored reading by this point}: 

1. Shane (their oldest son who is going into 3rd Grade) says to us when asked how he feels about his mom carrying a baby for us in her tummy, "I would do anything to help you guys have a family." 

2. Gianna (one of their 17 month old twins) who is extremely shy and sensitive let me hold her after dinner.  Not just hold her - she played with me, she snuggled with me, she stole my heart.   

**heart melted**

She let Kevin hold her too.  But she told me she definitely liked me better.  Not even a competition.

Actually, I wasn't really interested in going home.  Ever.  And Gianna told me she didn't want me to go home either.  I informed Kevin that Gianna whispered to me that she wanted to have a sleep over - but he wasn't buying it.  At all.  

We didn't want to leave, but knowing they will be here next week made "good bye" a bit easier.  Their family has a piece of my heart, for sure.  Things were meant to be.  And again, confirmation that God's plan is far more perfect than anything I could've done myself.

“Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind.” 
                                                                                                                           ― Howard W. Hunter

So, friends - that's that.  Our families work together.  Everything feels natural.  All is right in my world today.

Thanks for your continued prayers, emails, texts and calls.  We couldn't do this without you.

Faith over Worry

I absolutely adore this little picture.

I wish I could say I have spent the past 2 years of our infertility battle practicing this idea - but I haven't.  I have wasted many days of my life worrying.  Ask me how much that helped.  Yep, not at all.  Why is it so hard to let things go?  Why do we desire so badly to be in control?  Why can't I just rest comfortably in the fact that I know God has a plan for my life that will unfold in His perfect timing?  Because I'm human, that's why.

As a self-professed Type A, OCD, control-freak, I am quite confident that God has used this time in my life to teach me to just stop.  I am not in a place quite yet where I can say that I am glad for my struggle - but I am in a place where I can at least be thankful.  I am thankful for this season of my life and hopeful that God would use me for His glory.  I have learned through this terribly painful part of my life that no matter how much I wish, pray, work, worry, or try - it really doesn't matter what I want.

I have always said with my mouth that I believed and trusted in God.  I didn't just say it, I believed it in my head.  That head knowledge really didn't become heart knowledge until very recently.  I said I trusted in God - but what he's taught me thru this experience is that I didn't really.  I trusted Him when He was doing what I wanted Him to.  But when things got hard, I was confident I could do it myself far better than He could.  I will not sit here and tell you this isn't still a struggle for me, but I am WAY better at this on a consistent basis.  As I sit here and type this, I am slightly embarrassed and ashamed to admit how little I really trusted my life with God.

Here's the amazing news.  Every single day, I get to try again.  When I choose to worry and try to do things on my own only to realize I STILL cannot do it, my Heavenly Father forgives me and gently reminds me that He has it under control.  Such an amazing gift.

Today we are headed to meet our fertility specialist with Julie & Dan.  I should be out of my mind nervous and panicking.  I'm not though.  I seriously couldn't be more calm.  I know everything is going to be ok.  We always appreciate prayers for wisdom and grace as we make decisions in the beginning stages of this very exciting process.  We will update very soon.  You guys are amazing.

Much Love -

How to take care of a friend going through Infertility

Did you know that 1 in 8 couples will experience infertility?  How about the fact that nearly 7.3 million American women will experience difficulty getting pregnant?  That's a lot of people.  There is absolutely no reason this is such a quiet topic.  It's like nobody knows how to talk about it, so we just don't.  Well I am.  It's too important not to talk about it.

I can't tell you how many people have either asked me how to deal with a friend who is experiencing infertility or have actually reacted this way to me.  I am in no way passing judgement - I've been guilty of saying/doing these things before I was on this road of infertility myself.  I'm saying these things for the sole purpose of educating people and causing us all to think.

Questions like: How do I tell her I'm pregnant?  How do I talk about my kids?  How do I ask her how she's doing?  I know these are touchy subjects and I know it can be difficult - but my number 1 piece of advice is this: infertility is a PART of who I am, not my entire being.  I am still Kevin's wife, Kaitlyn's step-mom, Mike & Barb's daughter, Kim's sister, Sam & Maicey's Tante, a Christian, a teacher, a friend.  I genuinely don't want people to feel sorry for me...so please don't.  Please know that your empathy is what I want, not your sympathy.  I am capable of talking about more than our struggle to start a family.  I would love to just sit and have a normal conversation with you.  I'm really not that different.

How to announce that you're pregnant:

• First of all, TELL HER.  Don't make her find out from someone else, on Facebook, or in passing.  
• Don't assume we will be sad.  Pregnancy for ANYONE we love is an amazing thing and although we are sad for ourselves, we are happy for you.  Don't make your announcement about me.
• Saying things like, "I don't know why it's me and not you" or "I'm sure your time is coming" are not helpful.  The reason it's you and not me is because God decided that's the way it was.  We don't have to get it.  But that makes things a bit awkward.

How to talk about pregnancy/kids:

• I would first say that it's important to remember that no matter how crappy you feel while you're pregnant, no matter how irritating your children are to you today - please remember the ENORMOUS blessing you have been granted.  Constant complaining, joking about giving your children away, or wishing your pregnancy would be over are HIGHLY irritating to women going thru infertility.  I would give literally anything to be in your position...no matter how unglamorous it is.
• DO NOT ask anyone "when ya having babies?!"  First of all, it's simply rude.  If they wanted you to know they are trying, they would tell you.  Maybe they don't want children.  Or maybe they're struggling to get pregnant.  I cannot tell you the amount of times I used to ask this to my newly married friends.  Or how many times I've been asked this in the last three years.  It's an unnecessary question and frankly none of our business.
• The only other piece of advice I have in this area is to just simply talk about it.  I want to talk about your adorable children - just not all the time.  Again, I'm not that different.  :)

How to ask how I'm doing:

• First of all, I could not get thru this without the support of family and friends - so please don't underestimate the power of you simply taking the time to care about our struggle.
• Understand that while I love talking about our journey, it is not the sum total of who I am.  I don't want to talk about it everyday.  I love when people email me and say "I know you don't want to always talk about it, but if you do - please know I'm here." Or when someone says nothing more than "I'm praying for you".  Those small gestures mean a lot.
• This seems a little bit of a contradiction to what I just said, but be respectful of our privacy.  I (obviously) have no intention of keeping things private or not talking about our journey - but there are certain parts of our journey that we only plan to share with our family and closest friends.  I don't find the need to discuss eggs, sperm, and every minute detail of our journey with everyone on the planet.  Please don't ask specific personal questions - it's an awkward conversation. ((if you're my family/close friends who might as well be family - please disregard that bullet :) ))

In closing - please understand that every single day is different.  Depending on the day, our needs are different.  Sometimes just asking "how can I love you today?" is like the biggest breath of fresh air.  

I hope this list is helpful to some of my friends who have asked how to approach infertility.  And to anyone who's reading who has experienced infertility - please add comments if I've forgotten anything you think needs to be said.  Everyone is different and I would love to hear other perspectives.

Thanks for reading today, friends -

Ladies & Gentleman - The Kangaroo

Julie & I have had a joke for a little while now that she is our Kangaroo.  She immediately fell in love with the nickname and will occasionally call herself "Kanga".  :)

Brief history: Julie & I danced together at St. Ambrose for one short semester.  I remember her really well actually.  I remember her voice, her mannerisms, and her acrylic nails ((smile)).  After that one semester, we lost touch.  I would by no means classify us as close friends, or really even friends for that matter.  We knew each other.  That's sort of it.  

**Enter the miracle of Facebook**  I found her Facebook profile thru a mutual friend a few years ago and have enjoyed stalking her from time to time.  :)  I remember being excited that she was having twins and watching her pregnancy thru pictures. We would like or comment on each others's statuses - but that was literally the extent of it.  Until May 21st.  Our relationship went from acquaintances to family in one single day.  

I will continue to say it over and over: God is so good.

I don't want to steal her thunder too much - but from the very beginning I have wanted her to be a public part of this journey.  I didn't want her to be some pregnant woman in the shadows of the Kevin & Katie Show.  I wanted all of our friends and family to be able to support and love on her thru this amazing story that she has thrown herself in the middle of.  I had originally asked her to guest blog on this site throughout her surrogacy - but being the amazing woman she is, Julie decided to step it up and take it one step further.

Julie is going to blog on her own site throughout this journey!!  I couldn't be more excited about this! I am anxious for her to be able to experience the therapeutic joy that comes from writing down our story.  I am thankful that she shares my passion for making sure our child has zero questions about our intentions, our journey or the story that led to their birth.  I am overjoyed that she is comfortable sharing the story from her side so that all of our friends and family can stay up-to-date with both of us for this craziness.  Most of all, I am just over the moon that all of you will be able to get to know this Angel on Earth and her remarkable family.  She is so wonderful and I just know all of you will fall in love with her just like we have.

So, without further ado, please meet our Kangaroo - Julie!

Follow the link and give her a little love today :)

Love,

Mom

First of all, I want to thank you all so much for your interest in our story!  This little blog of mine has seen quite the increase in readers this week!  :)  If you would be interested in following this blog - there is a place for you to follow on the right hand sidebar - I'd love to see who is all reading!  :)

Just stopping in today with a little something I found on a blog somewhere a long time ago.  I've had it tucked away for a long time, and just ran across it the other day.

Every single time I read it, my eyes just fill with tears.  Even more so after the events of the last month.

I'm warning you: grab a tissue.  :)

A baby asked God, “They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?”

“Your angel will be waiting for you and will take care of you.”

The child further inquired, “But tell me, here in heaven I don’t have to do anything but sing and smile to be happy.”

God said, “Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you. And you will feel your angel’s love and be very happy.”

Again the child asked, “And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me if I don’t know the language?”

God said, “Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak.”

“And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?”

God said, “Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray.”

“Who will protect me?”

God said, “Your angel will defend you even if it means risking it’s life.”

“But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore.”

God said, “Your angel will always talk to you about Me and will teach you the way to come back to Me, even though I will always be next to you.”

At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from Earth could be heard and the child hurriedly asked, “God, if I am to leave now, please tell me my angel’s name.”

“You will simply call her, ‘Mom.’”

Happy Sunday, Friends -

Enjoy your family today :)

Hidden Chronicles of our Baby #4: Chill the Champagne

**I am writing this in real time and saving it for the right time to publish.  We feel like we need to wait until we have a signed legal contract in order to begin making our plans public.  There are so many emotions I go through each day that I want to be sure to get them down before I forget. :) **

June 19, 2013

Today I got an email from Julie with the subject line: "Chill the Champagne :o)"

When I opened it, here's what I saw:

Katie and Kevin,

Let our journey begin!!!!

Love,

Dan and Julie

Attached was the signed contract.  Our wait is over!!  :)  

I happened to be running rehearsals at the studio today, so when I read it I was able to celebrate quickly between rehearsals {by sobbing in the bathroom and shrieking for a few moments to myself} and then I kind of had to pull it back together because I didn't really want to share this news with all of my students just yet. 

It wasn't for another couple of hours when the reality really hit me.  As I was driving home, the song "Praise You in this Storm" came on the radio.  This song has sort of been my anthem through this entire journey - I remember hearing it many, many times and just crying out to the Lord because I didn't understand WHY on Earth He was putting us thru this.  I remember forcing myself to sing along and forcing my brain to say I would praise Him, even though my heart didn't always believe it.  It had always sort of been a sad song to me, but today as I was driving home I just knew that God was telling me that everything is going to be ok.  Tears spilled down my cheeks as I sang along and my heart overflowed with joy as the reality washed over me.

I am going to be someone's mom.

We have an appointment with a fertility specialist near where Julie lives next Wednesday (June 26th) where we will basically discuss the plan, determine a timeline, and figure out the rest of the details.  

I am hoping to continue blogging thru this journey, but after the consultation on the 26th, I will probably stop posting details because we desperately want to be able to make an exciting pregnancy announcement just like everyone else gets to.  

This is the last Hidden Chronicles - everything from now on will be published in real time - at least until we have an exciting announcement to make :)

Thank you SO much for your love, support, and most importantly your prayers.  We have been so humbled by the outpouring of our family and friends.  We never imagined we would be in the position to share such a remarkable journey with each of you and hope you will continue to pray for us and keep up to date with us either through our Facebook page "Hoping to Adopt - Kevin & Katie" or this blog.

You guys are REMARKABLE.

Love,

Katie :)