Happy First Birthday, Kamdyn!

Dear Kamdyn,

Even though I tried to stop time, it didn't work and today you are turning one year old.  I have no idea how possibly this happened, but it did.  

You are the sweetest girl, Kamdyn.  You grin from ear-to-ear and squeal when daddy or I walk into the room.  When you're really excited, you pat our shoulder repeatedly.  It melts my heart.  

You love to play.  As long as you can see one of us, you are content.  You entertain yourself for sometimes up to an hour, babbling to your phone, smooching your baby dolls, bouncing your ball, or playing on your music table.  You like to make a huge mess and empty every container of toys - and I don't argue with you because seeing you play makes me so happy.

You love to eat.  You will eat pretty much anything - especially if it's something Daddy or I are eating.  You only have 3 teeth (two in the front on the bottom and one molar on top), but you gum most any food we give you.  You're a problem solver.  I like that.

You adore your sister.  Because she isn't with us all the time, sometimes we go lots of days without seeing her, but it doesn't matter to you - you just pick up right where you left off with her.  I hope that never changes.  Having a sister is a pretty incredible thing.  Never forget that.

Your dad is head over heels in love with you, Kamdyn.  At least once per day, he looks at you and says to me "My god, I love her so much".  And the feeling is mutual.  You love him SO much.  You'll sit on his lap and let him read you stories, you mimic every sound he makes, you clap when you hear his voice on the radio, your eyes light up the moment you see him.

There are so many people in your life who love you with their whole hearts.  I'm not sure there has ever been a child who is loved by more people than you are.  You are so blessed, baby girl.

The bond you have with your Aunt JuJu, Uncle Danny, and their 4 precious kiddos warms my heart SO much.  Watching your eyes light up when you hear their voices is a pretty incredible sight.  I know you KNOW...you recognize those voices.  Gives me goosebumps every single time.

And as for me, Little One, you have completely stolen my heart.  I adore you.  There has not been one single day of your life that I haven't been totally in awe of the miracle that you are.  I have loved the big moments of being your mommy - the first day you sat up, the first time you crawled, your first giggle - but most of all, I have loved the little day-to-day memories of being your mom.

I am so, so, SO thankful to be your mom, Kamdyn.  The bond we have is something people comment about almost every single day.  You love daddy, but you are for sure a Mama's girl.  You love to snuggle me before bedtime, you wave to me every morning when I come get you out of bed, you and I play and sing every night after dinner - I am so excited for all the fun things we are going to do together as you grow up.  

I have lots of jobs in this life.  I'm Daddy's wife, Oma & Opa's daughter, Tante's sister, I'm a friend to people, I'm a teacher to my students, I'm a coach to my dancers - I have lots of jobs.  But of all of those jobs, Kamdyn - being your mommy is far and away my most favorite.

Happy 1st Birthday, sweet girl - I love you to the moon and back.

xoxo -

Mommy :)

I remember.

One year ago tonight, I wrote THIS blog post.  I remember being so, so anxious and wishing the clock would move a little faster.  We were being admitted to the hospital at midnight to begin induction and that day crawled by.  I remember sitting on my couch after I posted to the blog, posting my #keveryday - where I posted this photo:

I remember being so nervous.  I'm a details person, and the details of parenting are absent.  There is no schedule.  There are no real rules.  There's no instruction manual.  I remember asking other mommy friends about their day-to-day schedules, things I should know, products I needed to have, advice I couldn't live without.

I remember walking into the hospital and seeing all the sweet newborn things - the bassinet, the warmer, the footprint stuff

And then I remember thinking, "Holy hell.  In a few hours, a baby will be laying in there.  Not just A baby...MY baby"

I remember taking this one last photo of Julie pregnant - and being oddly emotional because I knew it was the end of something really, really incredible that she and I shared.  Every single week she sent me a picture.  Every week.  Never missed one.  And this was the last one I would take.  It was so surreal.

I remember Dan, Julie and I trying our hardest to get some sleep that night - even though I'm not sure any of us really slept.  I remember us entertaining ourselves for most of the day that day.  I remember sweet Julie and her incredible husband, Dan taking lap after lap after lap around the labor and delivery floor trying to get that baby out.  I remember the sweet sound of the lullaby that plays at the hospital every time a baby is born.

I remember making bets on when she would be born and how big she would be {Kaitlyn won.}

I remember the nurses telling us it was finally time.  I remember numbly walking into the bathroom to change into my gown so I could do skin-to-skin with her immediately.  I remember things moving in super-speed.  I remember squeezing Julie's hand as she pushed.  I remember the doctor saying, "are we expecting a baby with lots and lots of dark hair?" and thinking in that second, that was the first physical feature I knew for sure about my child...she had lots of dark hair.

Then I remember time freezing in this moment

7:28 pm on April 14, 2014.  I remember being so, unbelievably thankful that she was here.  That she was healthy.  And that she was our's.  I remember wondering how possibly I lived 30 years of my life without her.

I remember handing my phone to Kevin and asking him to snap this picture of me and worrying that I would look hideous :)

I usually hate pictures of myself.  But this one is probably my favorite of all time.  I'm not sure I have ever been more overjoyed.  Just absolute, pure, unbridled happiness.

I remember she was screaming like it was her job.  Mad as a hornet.  She wasn't having it.  At all.  And I remember thinking, "oh boy - this is gonna be fun in the middle of the night" {for the record, she still has this same temper when she's really mad}

I remember them wrapping her up and handing her to Kevin and when I turned around, I saw this

And I remember thinking, "I've never been more in love with this man in all my life."

I remember introducing Kamdyn to her sister and feeling so grateful that Kaitlyn's mom agreed to bring her back to the hospital so late on a school night

And I remember Kaitlyn stopping what she was doing, running over to Julie laying in bed and saying "thank you for my sister" {insert ugly cry}

I remember thinking "ohmygosh - this is our first picture as a family of 4"

I remember handing Kamdyn to Julie for the first time and watching with tears in my eyes as I realized that everything I ever worried about before she was born about her relationship with Julie or whether she would know I was her mama, or whether I would immediately love her since I didn't give birth to her - all of those fears were for nothing.  In this moment...

In that moment, as I watched my daughter laying in the arms of the woman who brought her into this world, the ONLY thing I felt was love.  I knew in that moment that Julie's family and our's were going to be forever-family.  And that Kamdyn would know and celebrate the way she was brought into this world because we would encourage and facilitate a close relationship and bond between Kamdyn and them - all 6 of them.

I remember her looking up at me when I was taking this picture and locking eyes with her.  And in that single instant, I knew she stole my heart.

I remember her first bath that night.  I remember all of her hair.  And then I remember putting a bow on that little head - two hours old and wearing her first bow :)

I remember being so worried I would forget the details.  I remember making Dan promise that he would take lots of pictures so I wouldn't forget in the craziness of the day.  I remember thinking "I really should blog tonight" but being so exhausted and smitten with her that I just couldn't.

I remember so many details from that day.

And tonight, as I laid my baby down for her last sleep before she turns one tomorrow, I held her with tears streaming down my face, silently thanking God for the past 364 days with her.  Thanking God that he has been faithful in His gentle reminders to slow down and enjoy these sweet days with her.  Thanking Him that I still have so much to look forward to in her life.  Thanking God for the countless times that he has lovingly nudged me to be thankful, even when it's hard - even when she's crabby, even when I'm sick, even when I'm out of patience - He has patiently laid on my heart time and time again that she is the answer to every prayer I prayed and I will never get this day with her again.

Tomorrow, my sweet baby turns ONE.  I'll be back tomorrow with a birthday post - but tonight, I'm just reflecting on the single greatest year of our lives.  Thanks for praying with and for us, friends - and thanks for continuing to follow our little family.  We are blessed by you.

xoxo -

Happy Birthday, Kanga!

Dear Julie,

I wanted to take today on this little blog to celebrate YOU.  I am so, so, so thankful for your birthday because it's the day this world became a much better place with you in it.  :)

The ways my life has changed since you messaged me that day in May, less than a year ago, are countless.  A constant skeptic, I wasn't really sure about this crazy idea.  But after spending time texting, calling and skyping with you - I quickly knew this was all meant to be.  You have such an incredible way with people.  You just make people feel at ease the moment they meet you.  It is my constant prayer that Kamdyn is soaking up as much of that as possible while she's in there because it is one of the many qualities that I love most about you.

I love that you are such a remarkable mom to your kids.  You are patient far beyond when most people would be.  You love each of them in exactly the way they need to be loved.  You are never too busy to stop what you're doing and sing a song, or sit on the floor and play with them.  I love to watch you with them - they are truly such blessings to you, and I can see it in your eyes every single time.

I love your sense of humor.  The fact that you sang to your belly while going through fertility treatments.  The fact that we had a little too much to drink the day before the procedure because you were just sure you were going to get pregnant the next day.  The fact that you enter into my crazy family and just go with the flow - hugging people and giggling as chaos ensues around you.  Your honking laugh.  That you still go down water slides.

That your favorite thing at Cheesecake Factory is their fries.  That you can make what should be an awkward process {someone else carrying our child} into something that is the furthest thing from awkward I could imagine.

Obviously, I love you because you're carrying my daughter.  I don't really have the words to tell you how I feel about that.  I'm getting teary eyed just trying right now.  It is so hard for me to be away from her all the time, but there is a strange comfort knowing that she's with you.  It is really the biggest gift of love you could give me - you are standing in for me, doing something for her that I can't, being her kangaroo - I will never stop being thankful to you for her.

While I could go on and on about the reasons I'm thankful for you, the biggest thing I'm thankful for is that you picked us.  Yes, most people believe that our family picked you to carry our child, and while that is partially true…the flip side of that is that your family also chose us - you not only chose us to carry our child, but you chose us to become forever family and one of my very best friends - and for all of that, I am eternally thankful.  I am humbled and honored that you chose me.  This world, and certainly MY world are far better because of YOU.

I hope your birthday is filled with all the things and people you love.

I love you,

{another} Birthday?!

In case you all haven't figured it out, January is BRUTAL in our family for birthdays.  I mean this is 3 in one week!  You'll be happy to know that we now have a little over a week off until another birthday!

This is my 'might-as-well' be niece, Emma.  Her mom was my dance teacher growing up, but has become more like my older sister.  When Emma was born in 2003, we decided that she might as well call me "Aunt Katie" and we haven't ever looked back!  She was born when I was a sophomore in college and I remember spending my afternoons off from class rocking her, playing with her, and feeding her popsicles at my dorm even though her mom said "no".  *hee hee*  

(I'm certain she will be paying me back for that when she babysits Kamdyn)

Emma's mom introduced Kevin and I to each other - which has turned out to be a huge blessing for Emma and Kaitlyn because they are forever friends.  They can literally play for hours on end and we often hear them giggling together from the basement while we adults are upstairs chatting.

She is the perfect combination of smart and sassy and I love her SO much!

Happy Birthday, Boo!  :)

Love,

Happy 30th, Kim!

Dear Kim,

I love birthday's for lots of reasons, but mostly because I love being able to celebrate the people I love.  So today, I'm celebrating YOU.

Thank you for loving me when I'm at less than my best.  Thank you for forcing me to let go and laugh sometimes.  Thank you for never letting me be alone.  Thank you for shaving the skin off my leg when we were little.  Thank you for making sure I don't take myself too seriously.  Thank you for listening while I vent.  Thank you for Sam & Maicey.  Thank you for being such a role model to so many students at PVP and ATB.  Thank you for crying with me as I was trying to get pregnant.  Thank you for covering for me.  Thank you for keeping my secrets.  Thank you for being the "dad" to me as the "mom".  Thank you for never letting me give up on being a mom.  Thank you for loving Kaitlyn as though you've known her forever.  Thank you for never compromising when you truly believe something is right.  Thank you for calling me out when I'm wrong.  But most of all, thank you for being YOU. 

Thank you for being my baby sister, my confidante, my roommate, my partner in crime, my biggest critic, my loudest cheerleader, my co-coach, and my very best friend.  This world - and certainly MY world - are far better places for having you in them.

I hope this day is filled with all the people and things you love.

Happy Birthday -

Love,

Today is my birthday.  Growing up, I always loved my birthday.  My presents were under the tree.  It prolonged the Christmas let-down.  I never had school and my parents rarely had to work.  Sometimes, if I was really lucky, extended family would still be in town from Christmas to celebrate my birthday.

As I've gotten older, I've begun not to like birthdays quite so much because I'm not really interested in this getting older business any longer.  But alas, it comes each year and there is nothing I can do about it.  So I might as well enjoy it, right?

Today, someone sent me this.  A blog reader I don't even know, who sent an anonymous email.  Someone I can't really even thank for the ways they changed my day.  I sat there at my computer with tears running down my cheeks because I am so beyond humbled by these kind words.

If you can't read it, it says this:

"You may feel you need inspiration.  Reading essays like "Welcome to Holland" or sentiments like this one may keep you going on days when you're feeling less than hopeful.  But you have a fair amount of inspirational power yourself. *** Others who feel they could never handle what you do are inspired by what you are able to accomplish - and people who have to handle the things you do are inspired by your example to try their hares.  Your efforts may inspire changes in the way others interact with your child and with all the other children to follow. *** The next time you're in need of a little inspiration, just look at all the lives you've changed with your love and hard work.  You really don't need to look any further than that. ***"

That was the single greatest birthday gift I've ever received.  

To whoever sent it, THANK YOU.  You've made my day.  :)

Lots of Love -

Dear Jamie,

{Today is my best friend since high school's birthday}

Dear Jamie,

I really don't know where to begin.  I am so thankful that you came to the studio and just tried it out.  How I wish I would've known the awesome relationship we would develop back then.

You are seriously one of the funniest human beings I've ever met.  You and your ridiculous stories {shifting your car into reverse with your "big jug" by accident and nearly causing an accident on Kimberly Road}, your random outbursts during dance class {"I brought birthday treats"}, the one-eyed gerbil, and your inability to decipher song lyrics {"Controversy"}, make me laugh every single day.

At Jamie's wedding

Although our enjoyment of dance is what brought us together - our passion for teaching is one of the things that's kept us together.  Getting the job at Mark Twain right down the hall from you was seriously one of the biggest surprise blessings of my life.  I have no idea how I would've made it through the first years of teaching without being able to walk 3 classrooms down the hall and vent to you, laugh until we cried at lunch everyday, and spend countless hours in each other's rooms after school "working". 

Jamie (pregnant with Jayden) at my Studio Shower before my wedding.  I'm holding Avery (another teacher's baby)

Finding out you were pregnant with Jayden was one of the most exciting days I can remember.  I'll never forget the look on your face at the Back to School breakfast the morning you found out, eating at Azteca that day for lunch and talking about our excitement, and lastly realizing that you were giving birth only a few weeks before I was getting married!

Jamie was one of the first close friends that Kaitlyn knew to have a baby - she adored cuddling with baby Jayden :)

Me snuggling Jayden at my family wedding shower

And as only a best friend would, Jamie bucked up and came out to party with us on the night of my bachelorette party.  I think Jayden was about 3 weeks old.  Thinking back on that, I cannot believe she really did that - and she stayed out with us until the middle of the night. 

I will never forget walking down the aisle and looking at you with tears in your eyes simply because you were so happy for me to finally be marrying the man of my dreams.  And I also will never forget dancing with Jayden during my dollar dance.  :)  {I wish I could find that picture - I'm a little irritated about that currently.}

It's been so much fun to watch your boys grow up.  I am so honored to be Jake's Godmother and I cannot wait to watch them grow!

And most exciting yet, I am SO very excited to watch our girls grow up together.  Watching your face as you realized the meaning of this card was one of the most incredible moments of my life.

The look of only a best friend - tears of pure joy because you know the pain I've been through because you've been right next to me the entire time.  Because of the years of pain, the joy of making these announcements right along with my best friend is something I consider just icing on the cake.

It is for these reasons and thousands of others that I feel so thankful for you.  So, today, on your birthday - I hope you are surrounded by all the things and people you love.  I hope you feel as loved as you truly are by so many people.  I consider it one of my greatest blessings to call you my friend.

Love You,
Katie :)

Family

As I mentioned previously, Kevin recently began searching for his birthmother and found her!  We were privledged enough to be able to meet face to face while she and her husband were visiting Iowa this month!  We were honored to spend many hours asking and answering questions, looking through pictures, and laughing with extended family.  Many nights we were up WAY past midnight trying to squeeze the most out of such precious time together.  She and her family live in California, so it will be difficult to see as much of eachother as we would like, but thank God for technology, the phone, and planes - we will see eachother again very soon.  :)

Here are some pictures of our 2 week visit.  Enjoy.

Walking out to meet his mother for the first time in 41 years.  A pretty remarkable thing :)

Kaitlyn meeting her grandma for the 1st time.

 Kaitlyn read Peggy every single word of her scrapbook and Peggy loved every minute of it.  Such a heartwarming sight. :)

Kevin with some of his new Aunts.

At lunch with Peggy's family.  It was such a blessing to meet so many of them all at the same time!

Kaitlyn and her new cousin, Meghan on the beach in Clear Lake.  These girls really hit it off!

The girls learning to fish with Uncle Dick.  That man was VERY patient!  I love Kaitlyn's face looking at that worm!  ICK.

Fishing on the dock.

The girls got to drive this golf cart with one of the neighbors in Clear Lake.  They squealed with delight everytime he walked through the door!  Such great memories.

Peggy came to Dubuque to meet all of Kevin's family.  They stood around the island in the kitchen for hours listening to her story, asking her questions, and telling funny stories about Kevin growing up.  It was a wonderful night. :)

Kevin & I with his mother (Peggy) and her husband (Steve).

What a beautiful experience to witness a mother being reunitied with her child after so many years.  They are so alike it's uncanny and meeting with Peggy and Steve seemed to be the most natural thing we've ever done.  Easy conversation, hearty laughter, and tearful goodbyes.  We feel so blessed to have been able to spend so much time with them and are very much looking forward to the next time we can share our time with them.  :)