Sunday, April 13, 2014

Dear Katie,

Here's a little insight from your pre-parenthood self just in case you need a little reality check when your days and nights are a constant blur, when your infant is shrieking and you have no idea why, when you are cleaning baby poop out from under your nails - when you have absolutely no idea why on Earth you decided to take on this little adventure.  Read and re-read this until you remember me...your pre-parenthood self.

Tomorrow you will become a mom.  The one job you always dreamed of.  As of tomorrow, every single thing you ever wanted in your life you will have.  You wanted a college degree, a teaching job in your home district that you love, a loving and supportive husband you get to come home to every night, and a baby.  Check, check, check...and as of tomorrow, check.  You worked hard in college, you worked hard to get your job, your marriage has been a work in progress, patience & love...but becoming a mom?  You never knew hard work until you worked for that little girl.  You fought hard for the job of being her mom.  Do not forget that.  Ever.

On this day, the day before you become a mom, you want nothing more than to be holding that baby.  You have dreams about the amazing and remarkable things she is going to do with her life.  You feel as if every second of every day will never be enough to spend with her.  The thought of sharing her with other people makes you cringe because you just want to hog her all the time.  First of all, remember, it takes a village to raise successful kids.  You need help.  Kamdyn needs lots of people who love her in her life.  Even though you might not want to, share your baby with the people who love you and her.  But also use this to remind yourself that you get 18 years with her - after that, it's just bonus time.  When she's an adult, you don't want to wish you'd spent more time with it now.  Stop cleaning, stop working, stop running in circles - snuggle your baby.  Play with your baby.  Watch your baby.  Soak up your baby.

As a teacher and a coach, you see all kinds of kids every single day.  Remember your #1 job.  Your number one job as her mother is to prepare her to be a successful adult who is kind and compassionate.  You want her to be an adult who works hard and is a world-changer.  You don't want her to be unable to make her own decisions, to dress herself, to function without you.  You.Do.NOT.want.that.  Every decision you make serves to get you both closer to that goal.  When you have to remind her for the 100th time to brush her teeth before bed, when you have to show her one more time how to sort her dirty clothes, when you are frustrated beyond belief because she forgot her lunch on the counter - remember your #1 job.  When your heart is breaking because she doesn't make the team, when you want so badly to march into school to fix something for her, when you want to fight her fights - remember your #1 job.  You're not really helping her by doing it for her. Remember the bigger picture.  

Be nice to Kevin.  Not everything is his fault.  Even though you have little patience when you don't get enough sleep - try not to take it out on him.  He's trying his best too.  Let him bathe her, even though he might not do it like you.  Let him put her to sleep even though you really want to, remember how much it melts your heart when he used to put Kaitlyn to sleep.  Try not to lose your mind when he doesn't follow your OCD directions - a little unstructured time will be good for Kamdyn.  Ask him for help, even when you think it might be faster and easier to just do it yourself.  You don't really mean any of that.  You want nothing more than to enjoy this experience with him.  And above all else, remember that after Kamdyn grows up, you will still be married to Kevin.  Keep working on your marriage.  Your priorities are God, Kevin, and then your child.  Keep that in mind.

Do not allow yourself to become someone who forgets me - your pre-parenhood self.  I love to go out to eat with friends, I love reading, I love going to work each day, I love going on dates with Kevin, I love eating dinner with my mom, I love blogging, I love having Sam & Maicey over for sleepovers, I love going to get my nails done, I love going to girls night scrapbooking events, I love coaching, I love "me time".  Even though you're a mom - you still are a wife, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a teacher.  Although being Kamdyn's mommy might become your favorite "I love" on this list - don't forget about all the other parts of that list.  

And lastly, you can do this.  There will be lots of things you don't know.  There will be lots of mistakes you make.  There will be many days that don't quite go as planned.  It's ok.  Children are resilient.  If she's still breathing and in one piece at the end of each day - it's ok.  Most importantly, do not forget that the only person you have to answer to regarding decisions you make for your child is Kevin.  Everyone will have an opinion.  And people will not always agree with yours.  {I know, this isn't making you feel calm right now because you like to please and you're a perfectionist, but keep reading}  As long as you remember your #1 job and you are making decisions that you think push you toward achieving that #1 goal, you are doing your job.  

After all, really the only thing you need in order to be a great parent, you already have.  You've loved this baby since long before you met her.  And you are her mother.  You are her biggest cheerleader, her biggest critic, her sun, her soft place to land, her first are her mom.  And you're perfect for her.  Because you are her mom.


1 comment:

  1. Amen! Millions Prayers and oh, so, many hugs... love from Germany, ~ Sheri