I would literally cry myself to sleep on the night before Mother's Day. I would cry because I didn't want to go to church and see all the moms with their adorable children. I would cry because when we went to lunch with my family I would need to smile an be happy to celebrate my incredible mom and sister for the wonderful mothers that they are...but I still felt left out. I would cry because even though my sweet husband always did a little celebrating because I am Kaitlyn's step-mom, it didn't change the fact that I wasn't a "real" mom. I would cry because every solitary place I went, there were mothers. I would cry because quite frankly, it's not fair.
Tonight, as I'm sitting on my couch looking at the little miracle who has made me a mom - I cry for different reasons. I am so, so thankful to be her mom. And I have realized that while I think about Julie most every day anyway, Mother's Day will always be a day that she will be in the top of my mind. While Kamdyn will grow up calling her Aunt JuJu - the reality is that Julie is her birthmother and Kamdyn wouldn't be here without her. And I wouldn't be a mother without her. So, not only will I be celebrating being a mom tomorrow, every year on Mother's Day, I will celebrate Julie...for giving me my reason to celebrate.
With all the thankfulness I have in my heart, there is still a little place of sadness for all the women who are sad tonight thinking about tomorrow. I pray that I never forget what that feels like. While that might sound strange to most of you, I actually think that pain makes me a better mom. That pain reminds me how badly I wanted to be a mom. That pain allows me to be compassionate and empathetic to all those women who are experiencing pain caused by infertility, loss, or loneliness.
I will spend my day tomorrow celebrating moms, being thankful that someone in this world finally calls me Mama, and praying for those who desperately wish they felt like they had a reason to celebrate tomorrow. I hope you will join me.
Lots of Love -
Beautifully said. I hope your Mother's Day was everything you have ever wanted it to be. :)
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