Faith over Worry

I absolutely adore this little picture.

I wish I could say I have spent the past 2 years of our infertility battle practicing this idea - but I haven't.  I have wasted many days of my life worrying.  Ask me how much that helped.  Yep, not at all.  Why is it so hard to let things go?  Why do we desire so badly to be in control?  Why can't I just rest comfortably in the fact that I know God has a plan for my life that will unfold in His perfect timing?  Because I'm human, that's why.

As a self-professed Type A, OCD, control-freak, I am quite confident that God has used this time in my life to teach me to just stop.  I am not in a place quite yet where I can say that I am glad for my struggle - but I am in a place where I can at least be thankful.  I am thankful for this season of my life and hopeful that God would use me for His glory.  I have learned through this terribly painful part of my life that no matter how much I wish, pray, work, worry, or try - it really doesn't matter what I want.

I have always said with my mouth that I believed and trusted in God.  I didn't just say it, I believed it in my head.  That head knowledge really didn't become heart knowledge until very recently.  I said I trusted in God - but what he's taught me thru this experience is that I didn't really.  I trusted Him when He was doing what I wanted Him to.  But when things got hard, I was confident I could do it myself far better than He could.  I will not sit here and tell you this isn't still a struggle for me, but I am WAY better at this on a consistent basis.  As I sit here and type this, I am slightly embarrassed and ashamed to admit how little I really trusted my life with God.

Here's the amazing news.  Every single day, I get to try again.  When I choose to worry and try to do things on my own only to realize I STILL cannot do it, my Heavenly Father forgives me and gently reminds me that He has it under control.  Such an amazing gift.

Today we are headed to meet our fertility specialist with Julie & Dan.  I should be out of my mind nervous and panicking.  I'm not though.  I seriously couldn't be more calm.  I know everything is going to be ok.  We always appreciate prayers for wisdom and grace as we make decisions in the beginning stages of this very exciting process.  We will update very soon.  You guys are amazing.

Much Love -